Surrogate
by ishkhanuhi
Summary: Soubi has a unique way of coping with loss. Light Soubi x Ritsuka, Soubi x Seimei.


**[Rating]**: PGish

**[Warnings]**: mentions of violence, angst, Soubi POV

******[Pairings]**: almost imperceptible Soubi x Ritsuka, Soubi x Seimei

**[Disclaimer]**: characters belong to Yun Kouga and co.

**[Author's Note]**: This is my first fic in the _Loveless_ fandom, so hello! How do you do?

This is a little bit of a different take on Soubi. Comments and critique are welcome. Let me know what you think. :)

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**Surrogate**

"Soubi!"

As soon as I slip his bedroom door shut behind me, Ritsuka's on his feet, schoolbook ungracefully fluttering to the floor from its perch on his lap.

His eyes are fearful, and I can see the color drain from his face as he asks me meekly, "Did Mother see you?"

"No," I assure him. I haven't seen him all day and my fingers twitch as he approaches with the yearning to hold him. "I made sure to sneak in unawares."

"Soubi!" he exclaims again, his face now melting into a blend of frustration and annoyance. His eyes were so sad moments before, but Ritsuka blinks back the rest of his tears, and I see only anger simmering in those violet eyes for me. "How could you? I told you never to walk in the front door when Mother is home! Why didn't you use the balcony like you usually do, you idiot? What would you have done if she saw you breaking in? What would you have done if she called the police or tried to defend herself?"

I smirk, so overcome with the need for his touch that I risk reaching over to stroke his cheek with my knuckles. His cheek is still damp, and warm from earlier. My finger outlines the contour of his mother's fingerprints in the bruised skin. Under the whorls of purple and blue, his shattered cheekbone juts out earnestly into my palm. "I would have silenced her," I say as if it were obvious all along.

"What?" Ritsuka's mouth twists open to bare teeth, and he slaps my hand away with uncharacteristic severity. My heart swells with adoration and surprise. "What do you mean by that?"

"You know what I mean by that."

"Shut up!" He rushes away from me and clambers onto his bed. "I don't want to hear it! You won't!" In Ritsuka's attempt to fume, he knocks his cheek against the headboard, and he shrieks, cradling his face in his hands as a new hail of tears flee his shocked eyes.

My mouth suddenly dries with concern, and ignoring my selfish desires, I'm at the side of his bed in only a few strides.

"Leave me alone!" he hisses at me, shying away.

"I want to see," I beg of him, but he refuses.

"I'm mad at you right now! You don't get to touch me. Go away!"

"Ritsuka…"

"I didn't send for you. Why are you here?"

I smile warmly, because he hates it when I'm too eager. "I wanted to see you."

"You saw me yesterday."

"I missed you today."

"This is a bad night for me, Soubi…"

"I've noticed… Let me see."

"No! This has nothing to do with you!"

"But it does. My first duty to you is to protect you, and I will, by whatever means necessary."

"I hate when you talk like that."

I disobey him and reach for his face, but in his furious state, he is swift. "It's true," I press on, "if this happens again, I will – "

"You won't!" Ritsuka is on the brink of screaming at me, heedless of his noise level.

My nerves calm when he is angry. It's a peculiar occurrence. I sit back and revel silently under his stormy gaze. When Ritsuka is mad, his whole body feels it. He smolders. His ears are flat against his head, camouflaged in his impossibly black hair until I can almost imagine that they aren't there. His tail whishes behind him, hairs on end with agitation. I can look down and be assured his knuckles are white as they grip bedsheet. He is restraining himself, entertaining the idea, I hope – even if for a moment – of how good it might feel to break my cheekbone, too. He is that upset with me.

It is during these times when I remember Seimei. My mysterious Sacrifice, taken from me too soon. My heart was filled when I was commanded by that confident voice. His eyes, beautiful in their abysmally dark way, could communicate everything and reveal nothing at the same time, leaving me always curious of his next move. Seimei's punishments were devastating, but I would have done anything back then to receive his attention. I'll never forget that mischievous look when he would unsheath his blade, the glinting, razor edge promising me bliss. I'll never forget how his voice sounded when he scolded me, how his skin felt when he would strike me. The thought of someone snuffing out the light in his eyes crushed me inside. I miss him.

Ritsuka's angry face reminds me of that. Seimei rarely showed when he was upset, but I've seen it – believe me, I've seen it. Seimei's velvet tail would prickle just like this, he would seethe just like this. Even though I know Ritsuka isn't just angry with me, but at himself, at his situation... and he is taking it all out on me because I showed up when he was vulnerable… I am more than happy to be on the other end of his outrage. I want to seize it all for myself.

Ritsuka's eyes are broad and glassy, tears clumping together long eyelashes. I'm toppling into that endless stain of purple that matched his battered face. And for a moment, I feel like I'm seeing double, like I'm now staring back ardently at Seimei, waiting for my punishment with practiced discipline. I won't even flinch.

But it won't come, because Seimei is dead, and Ritsuka won't hurt me.

The thought is depressing, but I'll never stop pushing the envelope, hoping. Of course I knew their mother was home, quietly humming in the kitchen as she washed dishes. I knew I shouldn't have come in through the front door tonight. I like aggravating Ritsuka, if only to see Seimei's face shouting at me one more time. I wonder how long it will take for Ritsuka to realize I enjoy angering him?

I'm sorely disappointed when I see his body visibly relax, rage dissipating away. "Go home," he says to me quietly, and weakly lifts his finger to the balcony door. "That's an order."

I sigh and walk off, pulling aside the curtain and wistfully looking back one more time at Seimei's doppelganger on the bed. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to lose someone you love. "Yes, Master…"

**-Fin-**

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Love,  
Ish :)


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